Assuming that things went well with the pediatrician, psychiatrist, child psychologist, and the many professionals needed to diagnose your child with whatever flavor of neurodivergency they have, you are probably scrambling to figure out how to help your child, how to supplement and support and do all the things that the parenting books tell you to do. I’m here to tell you this: It is going to be OK. Yes, your reality has shifted on its axis just a little bit, but that doesn’t mean that you’ve veered so completely off course that it isn’t fixable.

You may not even know what okay is, but it is going to be okay. Okay isn’t a very high standard, but you are in uncharted territory right now. As time passes, the unknown will become known. Things will become less scary and you’ll learn how to accommodate and communicate and all those pesky -ate words that will be drilled into your head until it becomes your new normal.

What do you need to do?

First, take a breath. Look at your child and see them for who they are, not just the diagnosis.

Then, understand that changing the expectations for that child may not be the way you want to do things. While having or managing a disability can be hard, assuming competency is the best way to teach your child to progress.

However, your child will not progress the same way that other children do. To be honest, all children progress differently, some start talking young, others start later. That is perfectly normal and fine. Understanding and compensating for some of their difficulties can help.

If they have ASD, then make sure to help them with their ability to manage certain social situations. On the other hand, presentations of disabilities vary like the many flavors of ice cream. Honey Vanilla and Vanilla Bean may sound the same but taste completely different. Personalizing your approach to the issues is key.

Find out your child’s weaknesses or difficulties. If they have issues with understanding auditory directions, then supplement with concept cartoons. If they can’t understand how to communicate in social situations, read social stories to your child. Based on the child, tailor your approach and attitude. It’s not going to be easy, but being a parent was never going to be a piece of cake anyway.

Don’t go to google and start researching and panicking over the millions of different ways that your child could be “different” or “deficient”. Instead, understand that your journey has just begun and this is going to be one huge roller coaster, filled with ups and downs. Take a breath, brace yourself, and hold on tight because it's going to be a ride.

Now that we’ve gotten through that, let’s get ready without losing sight of the fact that your child is a child. Researching is important but do it slowly, without overwhelming yourself. Be consistent. Most of all, be forgiving, to your child and to yourself.